experiences – Page 4 – goinggaijin.com

I’m a Winner!

2024 is starting out very positively indeed! Just like two years ago, I won the nengajo lottery. When I saw that I had won another set of stamps, I was hoping for dragons. I love dragons! Well, not quite, this year we got:

To be perfectly honest, I’m not sure how this is called, it’s a bundle of ribbons or pieces of cloth or possibly tenugui. However, this is a very traditional design and can be found in many versions on many a kimono.

Edit: Thanks to my knowledgeable Japanese friends, I now know that this is called a noshi. Traditionally, this was a strip of dried abalone attached to a gift as decoration and to symbolize longevity. Today, the custom has changed to thin, colorful paper strings that are tied around a gift or an envelope with money in it for weddings or funerals.

Mr. TDH

As mentioned a couple of weeks ago, I have had a certain revelation about my state of mind that instantly took a lot of weight off my shoulders. Since then, I’ve been busy picking up loose ends and cleaning them up. And already on the first weekend, I have made a fairly big decision regarding my private life.

To be marginally more precise: I have met somebody whom, for the purposes of this blog, I’d like to call Mr. TDH (tall, dark, and handsome – very handsome!). That as such is no surprise, after all, in Japan, 80% of the men fit into this category. Oh, how I love this country! The surprise is that the interest seems to be mutual.

At least, I think it is. There is the staring from across the room just to look elsewhere when caught, the stealthily moving closer, the friendly but prolonged touches, the banter and the teasing, I even got a “want to try my whiskey?” when I last saw him. (Yes I do!)

Now, if this were a Western guy doing all this, anywhere on the planet, heck, in outer space – I would be absolutely sure what was going on. Even with an Asian guy in the West or returning from there, I would reason that he probably picked up some dating behaviours, and I’d still be pretty confident that he’s flirting with me.

However. Mr. TDH is a Japanese guy, never lived abroad, is an introvert to boot – and I don’t know how to interpret the signals he’s sending. If he is sending them at all, mind you. What if it’s all in my imagination? (Been there, done that, didn’t end well…)

Also, while we’ve shared some fairly personal experiences about growing up, I haven’t mustered the courage to ask if he’s married… because it’s awkward at the best of times and I don’t know if in Japan it’s culturally appropriate to do so.

What I mean by that? Well, in Japan, it’s perfectly fine to ask somebody’s age, no matter whether it’s a man or a woman (yes, I have established his birthday!). This is to ascertain the hierarchy between two people, and to know who is supposed to use keigo respect language, which, technically at least, is a thing even in intimate relationships.

At the same time, I’m really not sure if “are you married” is just as normal to ask in a society where the private lives of people stay private to the point of being actively hidden. There are many people who don’t wear wedding rings and many women choose to use their maiden names at work even after they are married and have kids.

Sigh. As you can see, I’ve worked myself into quite a frenzy over this, which has the potential to lead me right back to where I was earlier this year. So, I have made a decision regarding Mr. TDH, and it is: Take a step back and simply enjoy the attention!

Even if there is nothing there, even if he just thinks that hugging good-bye is so normal in the West that we do it with everybody and all the time: it still feels good. And I can do with more of these moments right now. There’s time for probing questions (and the potential disappointment) later.

Out & About

Just a wee bit late… Yesterday, my friend from Tokyo visited Kyoto for a short day trip. We went to no less than three museums, one of them even for free and unofficially, because we arrived between exhibitions and the nice lady downstairs let us in anyway.

We had ramen for lunch and coffee and sweets as final act of the day before my friend returned home again. I always enjoy our outings, she’s curious and flexible and very happy to try and experience all sorts of new things with me.

After our outing, I found myself at Kitaoji Bus Terminal and decided to buy a new IC card for public transport. Of course, I have one – a so-called SUICA I bought years ago in Tokyo – and while it’s still perfectly valid and functional, the Kansai region has recently introduced a discount system for commuters and other heavy users that only works with the local IC cards PiTaPa or ICOCA.

I thought I could simply buy one of these and be done with it after registering my address, but it turns out that the PiTaPa is only available via (online) application, because it is in fact a post-paid card that requires a connected bank account for automatic payment at the end of each month.

In any case, it took a while to explain to the two people at the information counter what I wanted from them; in turn it took a while for them to explain to me the requirements… Finally, I got the advice to “research PiTaPa on the internet”.

“Is there a URL,” I asked, “can you please write it down for me.” This is the note I received:

I think I discovered peak stupidity.

Reflections and Realizations

Sorry for not keeping up with the schedule I promised. Last week was a continuation of last year’s issues I mentioned in the Christmas Break post below. Essentially I spent last week watching that one video over and over again. (No, this does not appear to be pathological. According to somebody on the internet.)

It went so far that I actually asked somebody for help with my mental state, something I have done exactly once before in my life, despite having been depressed for roughly half of that time.

Anyway.

Then I thought that I can’t just meet somebody and say “well, I have no idea what the problem is, really, but fix it anyway.”

So, last Friday I tried to figure out what actually is wrong. And after walking up and down in my house talking to myself out loud (Yes. I’m so glad I live alone. Pumpkin doesn’t mind, he thinks it’s all about him.) it finally hit me:

I’m not depressed right now. I’m stuck.

So, last year was bad in its entirety: professionally, financially, mental health-wise… And in that time, I created too many loose ends. Loose ends that need to be picked up again and taken care of.

Unfortunately, when it comes to things like these, I’ve always been quite indecisive, prone to procrastination. It takes me ages to come to a conclusion and act upon it, and in this case I felt that pulling at the wrong thread (and there were many) might lead to everything blowing up in my face.

Yet again, the simple realization of what was actually wrong led to a feeling of intense clarity. The same kind of clarity I felt when I finally decided to move to Japan. It’s a wonderful feeling. “The unbearable lightness of clarity” I like to call it.

Mind you, that doesn’t mean that I know exactly what to do next. Just the general direction. And picking up the loose ends and dealing with them, one thread at a time, is what lies ahead. I have no idea what will happen when I do that, but I’ll find out soon enough. I’m expecting to create more loose ends, but I can deal with those too in due cause.

I’m feeling better already.

Christmas Break

A bit earlier than usual, but I’m going on my annual Christmas break. I’m not in a good mental shape right now for a number of reasons, so… I’ll be back early next year, hopefully.

One thing that keeps me up is, of course, BATI-HOLIC; this is their video to “Shake Hands”. This was a live performance without an audience in 2020 (thanks, Corona), but it’s just as enjoyable. Especially now that I know the first two lines are actually in English. 😉

Advent Calendar

It’s December – time for an advent calendar! This year, I have two of them. The one I bought last year got reused and refilled with sweets and little things to do like: “visit the Garden of Fine Arts” or “take a bubble bath”.

And a friend of mine gave me a tea advent calendar, which is just a box with 24 different teas for each day. December 1st it was “Good Mood” tea, and today it was “Baked Apple”. Overall, I prefer the fruity ones, but yesterday’s Assam tea was really nice as well.

Weekend Project # 3

I’m not sure if I mentioned it… but Japanese homes, equipped with no central heating, can get really cold in winter. A partial solution is the following: Keep the lower body as warm as possible, then the upper body will follow suit. I’m doing this by “wearing” an old sleeping bag that reaches just up to my chest. Obviously, I have to take it off when I have to walk around, but since I’m pretty sedentary in front of my laptop all day, this is a good option.

Of course, the Japanese have figured that solution out ages ago and have invented the kotatsu. This low table is equipped with a heating element, and when you put a heavy blanket over it and put your legs underneath, your lower body gets nice and toasty. On top you wear one of the down jackets that are popular in Japan, come in different thicknesses and are available everywhere.

But I digress. Point is that whatever you do, be it kotatsu or sleeping bag, the hands remain cold, even more so when typing or writing. Gloves are the obvious solution – or are they, because you can’t type properly with them. Modifications are needed, like these:

These are just an old pair of gloves that aren’t warm enough now that I go downhill so quickly on my bicycle. So, I decided to cut off the fingertips and make some typing gloves out of them. What do you think?

Never mind, I know what you’re thinking, and you’re wrong: I spent a whole year in high school learning to touch type, so, yes, I do use all 10 fingers on my keyboard. Unfortunately, these gloves are made from relatively thin yarn, and it was really hard to finish the tips properly. So much so that I was ready to give up after the index finger (I’m glad I didn’t cut off all of them in the beginning), but I persevered for one more to create writing gloves instead.

Since I do a lot of handwriting, this is a partial solution to my cold hand syndrome. However, I have seen some very pretty mittens without top that I think are perfect for typing and are super warm too. Maybe I’ll just go and buy a pair of these.

Culinary Experiment

We’ve all been there: Unimaginable things, formerly known as foodstuffs, are hiding in the fridge, the freezer or the food cabinet (aka pantry).

Some of these foodstuffs have the decency to turn into biohazard rather quickly and fairly obviously. Tomatoes. Minced meat. That leftover piece of sushi (how did that even happen?) Others undergo the same process much more slowly and largely stay under the radar. Eggs. Rice and flour. And then there are things that seem to last forever. Case in point: Yoghurt.

I had a truly ancient drinking yoghurt in my fridge, still unopened since I bought it – all the way back in March 2019. Yes, the liquid part had risen to the top of the bottle, but the color of the rest looked good. So: I tried it the other day.

With experiments like these I like to be extra careful. If something looks off or smells off, I don’t need the taste test anymore, into the bin it goes. But after I threw away the protective liquid on top of the bottle, the yoghurt seemed fine, so out came the spoon.

The result: A perfectly fine yoghurt, wonderfully creamy, a bit sweeter than I had remembered the taste, but perfectly edible. Since this started out as a drink yoghurt, I had to cut the bottle in half to get to all of it, but other than that, no surprises, and I had a nice breakfast in the end.

Of course, I didn’t set out to do such an experiment; why I even took the yoghurt along in the first place -remember that I moved here in 2021 – I don’t even know. But it does go to show that expiration dates are not all they are made out to be, sometimes at least. So, I certainly don’t recommend clogging up your fridge with old food, but… I still think it was worth it.

I do think I’ll have to toss the miso, though. However, there’s still that tofu I bought when I lived in my old apartment…

Scaling Down

Three days of rain over the weekend and the temperature dropped by 10 degrees or so. Tuesday morning 9 am, it was 9 degrees in my bedroom. Good for the autumn colors. Not good for me, and Pumpkin is freezing too.

So, as every year around this time, I do what all the Japanese do: I pulled out my thick winter duvet and the fluffy pad that goes underneath the sheet. And then, I moved my futon to a smaller room.

This year, I’m trying the smallest room in the house, the one I have designated as my “reading room”, but which so far only houses my laundry. It’s on the second floor, faces south and is only three tatami in size.

As you can see, once the futon is in, lamp and nightstand besides it, and the heater has found its place, there is not much space left. I’m glad I’m not prone to tossing and turning during my sleep. Or sleep walking, that is.

Pumpkin was quite surprised about the new arrangements, but he adapted in no time. He’s now happily snuggling up next to me every night – underneath the covers, of course.

The only thing that isn’t good about this winter bedroom is that I have to sleep very close to the fusuma doors. And I need to keep them open so Pumpkin can leave during the night. And the draught coming in may be the reason why I have a stiff neck already… Then again, the fusuma are old and don’t close properly in any case. At least the windows are tight here. I hope it won’t get too cold in the next few months…

Minamoto no Yoshitsune

Japan’s long history was shaped by the warrior class and there are many samurai whose fame has reached outside of Japan as well. One of these, Minamoto no Yoshitsune (1159–1189), is still revered as one of Japan’s greatest warriors, and numerous true stories as well as legends are centered around him, most certainly the reason for his enduring popularity.

Yoshitsune – whose childhood name was Ushiwakamaru – was born around 1159, in the late Heian period. His father Yoshitomo was the head of the Minamoto clan, a powerful noble family deeply rooted at court. When his father was killed in a rebellion in 1160, Yoshitsune had to flee Kyoto with his mother. Turning 10 years old, he was placed in the care of the monks at Kuramadera in the northern part of Kyoto. According to a popular legend, he there received training from Sōjōbō, the king of the tengu who lived in the mountains surrounding the temple.

Be that as it may, fact is, that Yoshitsune was an accomplished swordsman from a young age, so much so that he defeated the famous (and much older) warrior monk Benkei in a duel at Gojo Bridge. Benkei promptly became Yoshitsune’s retainer and would fight side-by-side with him until the very end.

From 1180 to 1185, both fought for Yoshitsune’s brother Yoritomo in the Genpei war against the Taira clan. This war was immortalized in the Heike Monogatari, where Yoshitsune’s exploits take up most of the 3rd part of the story. He was a successful general and eventually led the Minamoto to victory at the final battle at Dan-no-ura in 1185.

Sadly, his success did him no good. His brother Yoritomo, established as head of the Minamoto clan, was jealous of the younger Yoshitsune’s popularity and feared that he might be deposed by him in the long run. He conspired against Yoshitsune, who was finally betrayed in 1189 and forced to commit suicide, with Benkei defending him to the last and dying with him. Today, Yoshitsune is enshrined at Shirahata Jinja in Fujisawa.

As mentioned above, many legends surround Yoshitsune and he was very popular among the people. For example, it is said that he escaped his forced suicide and made his way up to Hokkaido, or even farther to the Asian continent, where he re-emerged as none other than Genghis Khan. Many of the stories from the Heike Monogatari were turned into Noh plays and have inspired visual artists for centuries.