As mentioned a couple of weeks ago, I have had a certain revelation about my state of mind that instantly took a lot of weight off my shoulders. Since then, I’ve been busy picking up loose ends and cleaning them up. And already on the first weekend, I have made a fairly big decision regarding my private life.
To be marginally more precise: I have met somebody whom, for the purposes of this blog, I’d like to call Mr. TDH (tall, dark, and handsome – very handsome!). That as such is no surprise, after all, in Japan, 80% of the men fit into this category. Oh, how I love this country! The surprise is that the interest seems to be mutual.
At least, I think it is. There is the staring from across the room just to look elsewhere when caught, the stealthily moving closer, the friendly but prolonged touches, the banter and the teasing, I even got a “want to try my whiskey?” when I last saw him. (Yes I do!)
Now, if this were a Western guy doing all this, anywhere on the planet, heck, in outer space – I would be absolutely sure what was going on. Even with an Asian guy in the West or returning from there, I would reason that he probably picked up some dating behaviours, and I’d still be pretty confident that he’s flirting with me.
However. Mr. TDH is a Japanese guy, never lived abroad, is an introvert to boot – and I don’t know how to interpret the signals he’s sending. If he is sending them at all, mind you. What if it’s all in my imagination? (Been there, done that, didn’t end well…)
Also, while we’ve shared some fairly personal experiences about growing up, I haven’t mustered the courage to ask if he’s married… because it’s awkward at the best of times and I don’t know if in Japan it’s culturally appropriate to do so.
What I mean by that? Well, in Japan, it’s perfectly fine to ask somebody’s age, no matter whether it’s a man or a woman (yes, I have established his birthday!). This is to ascertain the hierarchy between two people, and to know who is supposed to use keigo respect language, which, technically at least, is a thing even in intimate relationships.
At the same time, I’m really not sure if “are you married” is just as normal to ask in a society where the private lives of people stay private to the point of being actively hidden. There are many people who don’t wear wedding rings and many women choose to use their maiden names at work even after they are married and have kids.
Sigh. As you can see, I’ve worked myself into quite a frenzy over this, which has the potential to lead me right back to where I was earlier this year. So, I have made a decision regarding Mr. TDH, and it is: Take a step back and simply enjoy the attention!
Even if there is nothing there, even if he just thinks that hugging good-bye is so normal in the West that we do it with everybody and all the time: it still feels good. And I can do with more of these moments right now. There’s time for probing questions (and the potential disappointment) later.
Flirting is fun in its own right. No need to rush anything. Enjoy the ride. 🥂
(And, I have been told by Japanese teachers, that the whole kokuhaku thing is an actual thing in Japan. Not as cheesy as in media but the whole telling them that you are interested and your interest is genuine, and you’d like to date to see if it could become something serious and long-term, … )
He might just be as clueless as you about how to approach that subject, since he doesn’t know how it’s done abroad. 😅 The blind leading the lame… or however that saying goes. 頑張ってね。